Because I can always..

We were dancing round and round and round.. , in a dark room, watching the shadows around us. It seemed we were struggling in a  never ending story but it probably was what I always deserved. I laid my head on his shoulder, humming the song we were dancing on as if it was our song, but we were both hearing it for the first time and yet it connected us in a strange way.
“May I?”  He gazed at me and kept my own for the entire night and all I could think of were the past times and the present where he was without his girlfriend at a party where couples seemed to be everywhere. But not us.
“Uhm..” The words were unbearable, making my throat burn and scream for a sort of cure which was unavailable for me. Always unavailable..
He saw my eyes flicker to that guy more than just once that night and he did not want to admit the fact that I could have a life where he wasn’t invited, to be admired by many others who might deserve me. He always claimed he wasn’t the one for me, he didn’t deserve me and yet why did he never let go?
“Go.” he whispered, with a choking voice and a light smile, smile that was erased soon after I took his hand.
“Okay” I accepted, unsure, stepping next to that boy I somehow liked and who always dragged me back to that come-back-and-leave story. My love was claimed by many and given to only one, one who accepted it as it was his and only his to take and never gave anything back. Having a story that never happened, yet something odd to remember made us smile and live off those lights, for others, memories, yet strong and perfect for us.
“Lovely song, isn’t it?” His attitude made me want him so bad, that I always lost myself and showed my feelings but I had decided not to give up that night.
Of course. I thought. Lovely, as it always is, but never conclusions drawn, always leaving, never coming at the right moments, but only when you wish to. To smile was too odd for me, but I smiled and danced through many songs with the same boy, the boy who came back again..
“I.. think that..” but could not manage to say another word, because his lips were now locked to mine, a kiss I felt before, but never had feelings for. Tears started to flood my blue eyes, my heart decided to stop, my breath was taken away and life was drained out of me, without asking for permission. “Why?” All the unsaid words were now concentrated in that only question, every thought flowing through my mind yelled silently, just because I felt those lips I haven’t felt in a long long time. “You had a person to come back to, why me, why now?”
That might have been the biggest mistake I ever did because nothing could have hurt more than those somehow true words. It was easy for them and I have never done a thing to stop it. I should have never wanted to hear that answer. Asking for it, I have let my own life escape my body, in a way no one ever did.
“Because I can always come back to your broken heart..” he said and froze me with a hug I am always feeling, burning my skin.

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